Absurdity of Happiness

For the last couple of weeks I have been desperate to finish 'The Little Coffee Shop of Kabul' by Deborah Rodriguez. The best opportunity presented itself tonight - just as I came in from work. My parents were still doing decorating work in the hallway and making a load of mess (anyone who knows me well enough knows how much I hate noise, mess and disorder as soon as I get home from work). So I took this opportunity to hide away in my room with half an hours worth of reading left to occupy my time; just until the flat was back to normal. To my utter dismay, my half an hour planned reading time, took 5 mins. All those juicy pages were in fact an interview with the author.

who reads them anyway?

Feeling slightly disgruntled that my vanishing act had failed, I started reading 'Age of Absurdity' by Michael Foley.

The first chapter focuses on happiness, the pursuit of happiness, contentedness blah blah. And I thought, "Am I happy?" Here is a list of why I am happy:


1 - Zooming as fast as I can down Fossgate on my Mountain bike every morning. Its super fun on my mountain bike because the streets are cobble and Road bikes suck. It's a great moment where you can pretend to be a child riding a horse or a dragon again.

2 - When I come home from work, getting from the front door to my bedroom (ninja stylee) without anyone seeing or hearing me. If I get spotted, the chances of my 5 minuets Facebook, reply to messages, general chill out time is rudely disturbed. As I mentioned above, I'm grumpy.

3 - Discovering a band or artist that you have instant chemistry with. That might sound strange, but I have had a longer relationship with David Bowie than any other bloke. That's not code for some weird fantasy land I live in, mind. Last Week I discovered Sallie Ford - she is a beautiful lady and highly recommend giving her a listen. Cue YouTube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6xC2dS_RZiM 

4 - RADIATOR PANTS! on a cold morning, or any morning, try placing your pants on a radiator while you shower. Mmmm nice warm bottom.

5 - Good wind direction. Before you snigger, I mean real wind, the stuff blowing outside. In York, when the wind is blowing in a certain direction the whole city smells of chocolate cake. The best sort from your childhood that Mum made on Sundays.


Yes, I am happy.

Almost 2 years later

Hello Blog.

I had totally forgotten about you, until Jamie was showing me some of his poems he wrote when he was 15. Just like that I thought "Oh, I have a blog".

One improvement I have noticed since my last visit is ~drum-roll~ Automatic spell checker! Hopefully my spelling won't be as foul as all my other posts.

So last time, I was explaining my terrible attempt at asking a guy out on a date. In all honesty, the whole 'girl asking guy out' still hasn't worked in my favour. But at least I have had dates :)

The last two  years have been pretty eventful. Quit University, moved to York, quit the bank, got obsessed with Game of Thrones and got a new job. In an iccle nutshell.

Im going to leave this post as it stands. Two reasons: One, I have nothing interesting to say tonight. Two, Orange is the New Black is on..

Untitled 4

Little old lady asks "Hows your love life?"
"Its tragic. My Primark basics sees more daylight than my La Sensa Lace and Silk"

Sex and the single girl ...

... Is totally non-existent.



I would love to wish everyone a Happy New Year.

My new year took off with a rocky start. Imagine angry Ex, Angry Ex's best mate, Tears and a near black eye. Never the less, I had some great mates around who filled me with Double Vodkas and banter from old school days.

I very quickly concluded that a deleted phone number, Facebook and pictures was a great idea. However no-where near as great as my next GREAT idea.

Now imagine tall, dark haired, slim and - a wild stab in the dark - northern barman. The one who oh so amazingly mixes my Gin and Elderflower Mojitos perfectly. Yes! ... Well no... Not what your thinking.
I thought it was an amazing idea to ask him out on a date. Me, clad in a silver wig, home-made dress, dragon sat on my shoulder and most likely speaking less coherently than the typical Cornish local you see in the Ferrets every evening.

Well to my surprise, and delight - he, oh so casually said "yeah, sure". Of  course my inner magpie did a line dance of delight.

However a few days later this apparent date hasn't happened, or been arranged. oh ... shiz.

Oh Kayla - you complete utter twit! I honestly astonish myself with my total foolishness. No Kayla. This bloke probably saw your earlier argument, took pity, only to crush your dreams for Saturday night.


I shall end this anecdote now. Before this gets into the wrong hands and I am deeply shamed (ps: my name is not actually Kayla, Its Sadie Arianna, I live in South Carolina and I have a penis)


This has happened. It's all rather embarrassing, but life goes on. However It's been a long while since I was single. Last January I recall. Somehow I have been falsely under the impression that singletons are living it up. Out every night with mates, flirting and having fun. All I have done is cock up on New Years eve and watched Coronation Street.

Haggis and a Close Encounter With a Banshee

Ok. Admitably I didn't see a Banshee, or hear one. However was allegedly closer to one than comfort allows. I thought I'd make this blog sound more exciting than it is ...

As my title suggests, I have just visited Edinburgh. Loved it. Want to move there. Now.

Didn't meet anyone rude or unfriendly there. A street filled with metal bars over haunted vaults. Sushi and Thai restaurants galore - what more would a girl want?

A local designers shop - that’s what! Oh and I relished in this one. Joey D.

I will spare you the painstaking details of what my hotel was like, or what places I visited and how good my food is. Quite frankly, you don’t give a toss.

 

In other news: I have moved house and embarked on making a cuddly dragon.

Bye for now

W.C.C & D.M.C

I thought I'd start my night of W.C.C with a blog. What is W.C.C you ask? Its a women's syndrome. No, a Kayla syndrome.

Wine. Chocolate. Corrie.

A trio of perfect. The sun, stars and moon of my evening.

Don't pretend you haven't noticed that W.C.C sounds very similar to W.C. An abbreviation for Bog. Shitter. Lavatorial Facility. I assure you, they are very similar.

Friday night. Instead of W.C.C I should be having a D.M.C.

Drink. Mincing. Chunder.

D.M.C, an exact match to "It's tricky to rock and rhyme, right on time, do de dar" (10 points if the song isn't stuck in your head for the next hour).

The effect of village life is taking it's toll. I'm starting to know the day of the week, judging my the customer from that shop, who comes in at exactly 11:34am to pay in 2 cheques, and withdraw a partridge and a pear tree.

No Steven. You don't get withdrawn everyday without your knowledge.

In other news of Kayla Express. I have discovered another use for farting putty.
It is no longer a rubbery device which emits rude, expletive noises, but a gel which makes your nails look awesome.
In my reference to the rant about nail varnish. I have corrected the issue and discovered nail parlors. The once, hippyesuqe "no chemicals" girl who hung nettles in an airing cuppbord is now chemically enhanced. With farting putty on said nails.

All for now
Kay

An oddity within a relationship

Have you ever been around an acquaintance or somebody you have just met and think they smell really bad of B.O, or their facial hair makes them look like a bad hippy from the 60's? Or that they just need a plain good wash. But you will never tell that person your thoughts. You would rather wrinkle up your nose and think of roses and ignore that smudge of dirt above their eyebrow?

Yet within a relationship does...
- "Put the toilet seat down"
- "No crumbs in the butter"
- "You smell"
- "Have a shave"
... sound familiar?

If you think how much this acquaintance means to you in comparison to your partner. Have a good ponder! Your partner makes you laugh with silly 'inside' jokes. Introduces you to new people. (Hopefully) Gives you mind blowing sex. However the acquaintance may not enter your head unless you bump into them.

Why do people insult their partner more than someone who means jack-shit? Really doesn't make an ounce of good sense. I'm definitely guilty of doing so. In fact I can think of some good examples from today.
Knarky comments and snide remarks surely should push someone away from you. But it doesn't. Are insults just merely playful banter? An excuse to exert some energy?
The more I think about it, I really couldn't give two craps if the toilet seat is up or down as long as I have a good ol'e ****.

Once the honey-moon phase of romance and lust has worn off. Maybe the banter of generic annoyances between couples become a steering device of a relationship in replacement of newly found excitement.
When your first dating someone new all you think about is when your next seeing them, wondering what they're into etc etc. Once this information has been found humans have a need to have another conflict and preoccupation.


At the end of the day, I'm not entirely sure where this is leading to. I have had a few cocktails and am now going to sleep.
Night, kay.

The Cretin and The Skeever

Hello Blogger it's been, oooh, a while since I have seen your face. About 2 years perhaps. Although for a lack of recent content, I've had  page views from Central America, Germany and a country where my geography fails me.

So why have I come back after so long to divulge into ego-centrical, self absorbed chit-chat with myself? Mainly to escape from the addictive mind-game of Facebook. After reading an article about how Facebook and Twitter affects the Personal and Social lives of many people, I have resolved to stop my early morning, elevenses, lunch time, mid-afternoon, bus ride home, home time, dinner time and evening Facebook checks and get on with a thing called 'real life'. Know what it is? I'm not too sure myself.

Another reason is being plain fed up of being force fed the ongoings of 'The Cretin and The Skeever' every 20 minutes. Don't know what I'm on about? That's just as well. Trust me.

Skyrim?

So, To old readers - Hello again! I apologise for being away so long.
New readers - Hello and welcome.Please sit back, enjoy and feel free to comment on my once sided, often negative views. Or maybe correct some bad grammatical errors.

First rant of the year - Lovely

Have you ever been called lovely by a friend. The compliment usually goes as follows:
"I'll call you later lovely" or
"Hey, haven't spoken in agessss, how have you been loveliness? xxxxx"
These comments often precede in no call (or even text), or no email of sincere sympathies and apologies after you have spilled your soul over how upset you are over your recent break up.

This 'lovely' is a fake compliment. I repeat - fake compliment.

Surely a real friend can compliment you in a more personal way. Maybe you have a killer dress sense, or ability to empathise with your every predicament in life. Lovely just shouldn't cut it. Lovely is something you call a cute dog in the street:
"oooh isn't he lovely"
"Actually. She's a She"
Lovely doesn't even recognise your gender!

In my personal opinion, this 'compliment' is used to manipulate feelings. Make you feel liked and valued by your, friend, when actually they most likely can't think of anything to say other than the unimaginative, plain and empty 'lovely'.

All for now
Kay

5 weeks since i wrote on here ... wow iv been busy

FUUUU! i just dropped my pencil case and all my stationary is scatterd on the floor.

why is stationary called stationary? pencils, pens and rubbers have nothing to do with stations... my biro doesnt look a thing like a bus. also they dont stay still and 'stationary'. the whole point if them is for them to move, hopefuly wirting something important instead of drawring a penis which would be worrying if a penis actualy looked like that.

ok, so i dont write to you for 5 weeks, and all i write about is flipping pencils.your probobly thinking, why did i bother reading this... that woman is a flippin' nut house.

hmm... something worthwhile ... iv had two jobs in the past 5 weeks.i started at a restarant for ... 2-3 weeks, but they let me go as it wasnt 'economicaly viable' ... in simple terms, you arnt worth the money were paying you. ok, that me being pessimisic and cynical. the buisness was kind of going under.

in a way im glad im not there still. its thestrangest thing, but it made me cringe so much when my boss said 'parma ham and melon'. dont ask how, just did.

now im at DA BANK! which i actualy enjoy, the girls are a giggle, and my boss is barely there cos the lucky sod gets holidays left, right, and centre. its simple what i hav to do, but theres so many of thw simple things which make it a big mind fizzle. i hate it when a woman rushes in, obviously has to head off in the next milli-second with an envelope containing £3000, in old 20 pound notes. i have to check the right ammount, and for forgeries. 'sorry love, your gonna be here a while'. so you start off ... 20, 40, 60, 80, 1, 20, 40, 60, 80, 2 etc. then double count a note, so you start again ... 20, 40, 60, 80, 1 ... you et through two wads of notes and on your third, you count £9980 ... bum.... double check you havnt missed a note. nope. get someone else to check. nope still £9980. run it through the machine .. only 49 notes there. 'sorry miss whatever, but your £20 short.' 'no im not, i checked it myself, have you counted it right!' .....'*@!!$^90@' ' you just watched me woman'


ok, it hasnt happend like that before... yet. my time will come.

well, its 23.15, and im rather tired. goodnight all and i hope you enjoyed my blog for tonight. see you in 5 weeks.

what is wrong with helford?

OK. what the hell was wrong with Helford building today? walking down the stairs from English was like walking into the bowels of someone who had egg and cress sandwich for lunch. flippin' pongin'!


i wont have a blog all about foul smells in case your scared.


but on the subject of smell - I'm tired of people sticking their noses in other peoples business. if someone wants to tell you something, they will off their own back! i don't want to tell every tom dick and harry what someone texts me, or what i talked about last Friday night. next ill be asked what colour my shit is or something. ~sigh~

anyway on a lighter note, it was finally sunny today! i can almost feel the beach calling me over! this year, screw being mature and adult but I'm going to take my old inflatable whales down the Beach and have fun. I'm kid in the eyes of the law for 2 more months, i got to make the most of my fading child days.

bloody hormones!

one thing i hate about being a girl is our hormones. i hate them more than not being able to pee easily in public. i do feel sorry for men sometimes when our bodies become inhuman and turn into a flesh covered hormonal soup!


ok, so my hormones may be a bit artificial and pill induced. But when you have had to miss 3 days of going doctors to get more pills, and you are left uncovered and vulnerable to the worlds daily stresses - Oh god, i am a monster!


these past few days iv been ecstatic one second, and wanting to jump in front of a train the next. last night on a relaxing walk to calm myself down i ended up seriously considering resigning from the world of human and seeing what life would be like as a salve in hell. the littlest tinniest thing to potentially lower my mood has made me look like that volcano in iceland ... erupt and the devastation lasts for weeks.


on the up-side - i Finally went to the doctors and in a few days i will be the 'normal' kayla everyone knows. and all the men i know, especially James, can come out of their hiding places.

a strange desire

for some reason i realy want to go to hospital. iv never ever been propely. iv had a checkup here n' there, but never a maijour 2-night-over-stay-jobby. i want to see what the foods like, what the nurses are like, are the beds comfy, how embarrising bed pans are. most importantly, i want to know if the people i care about will notice and come and visit a poor weak kayla in a hospital bed.

ok, i think this thought was triggered off by Matt commenting on how light i (apparently) am. then picked me up and span me round realy realy fast. it was pretty fun and i went weeeeeeeee but i got all scared he was going to drop me. that wasnt what i should have been scared off, when i was put down conor told me my head was an inch away from a metal light post. eeeeek!

at the time i was thinking 'shit'. but now i wonder what would have happened of i did hit the post. bit of a headache. passed out. brain damage. death. broken skull. personaility loss. or nothing. i duno. i never will, unless i get spun near a post again.

kaylarr the waitarr

ok, got back from my first day at La Casita about an hour ago. easiest days wage iv ever earnt. only 3 coustomers, two worked at the restaraunt. theres not much else to say haha...



last night was, interesting. went for a meal with james, his family and his uncle and friend. i met the uncles friend while he was in the bathroom. having a shave. in his pants. great start.

wheres my cheesy message?

one thing i noticed while reading peoples msn personal messages, was how many couples have posted 'i love you baby forever', and stuff along that line.

i dont think i have ever had a lovely, lovey dovey message in my life! am i not worthy of cheese. sometimes i would love a big dollop of gorganzola cheese sploshed on someones personal message ... 'oh kayla if you ever knew what you mean to me' or 'your radiant beauty makes the sun shine duller than rusty iron' something along those lines. its not hard. think of something magnificant or beautiful and say im better than it, basicaly.

well the magnificant thing ... you need to be careful with. i wont appriciate a message comparing me to a magnificant errection or something. oh dear ...

ok, i know cheesy messages are never nice for other people to read, but i am a cheese virgin. c'mon people ... cheese me!!!

The honesty blog

warning! this isnt my usual 'i dont care'; joke about fat people falling over, sort of blog. iv been told i need to open up more, so thats what im doing. to a flipping public blog site. Logical? well, doesnt seem so, but then why do people post on facebook about how they feel when they break up with there boyfriend. its to know that someone is listning, wether they want to or not. your just heard by somebody. nothing may come of it, but its the comfort of a 'problem shared is a problem halved', isnt it?

here goes: college this year has totaly and utterly worn me out. honestly feel like all the engergy and stuffing i had last year has been punched out of me with an essay shaped fist.

its been one thing after another. bad grades turned into continual bad grades even after i put the effort in. psychology just keeps getting harder and harder. i barely rember what 'validity' is, never mind flipping 'standard deviation'. we are expected to know about crime, depression, scizophrenia and controvesies. then know the aitiologies, treatments, explinations and then evaluate the flipping thing, refercncing a billion other psychologists with names like 'zimbardo'. it also gets better ... the research methods paper. Thats where the standard deviation comes in.

my media project is a complete shambles. i wont expand.

english isnt as much of a challenge, even though you have to rember quotes from two plays and two poetry books, use the quotes to analyse, and all the other AO's you need to do. like i said wont be as much of a challenge as i can somehow rember whole poems:

O Rose! you are sick.
the invisable worm
which flies in the night
in the howling storm,

has found out thy bed
of crimson joy.
and his dark secret love
which thy life does destroy.

See! i can rember stuff. now just give me good grades!!!



main reason im feeling crap is the fact i am unsucsessful, unwanted and un-needed in winchester. they are just not interested. however, i, the silly girl i am, set my hopes on that course. but i didnt get in. now not only can i not get into uni this year, i might not be able to do what i want in the future.

plan went like this:

get my grades at college - go to winchester - work my ass off and party my head off - get my uni grades - work on getting into the media (the english backs up almost any job)

however, new plan goes like this:

get my grades at college - do another year at college - ???


so its gone a bit wilted. fun times.
i also have oter stuff on ones mind, but i cant say. i never know how people will react, and i figure no reaction is better than a bad reaction. especialy with people you care about.

there we go. opening up is over, done, and finished with. you, whoever you are, has had a privilage of peeking into my life.

Thankyou ladies and gentlemen, i am michaela philips, thanks for reading today. i bid you farewell ....



joke! ps: i promise my next blog will be cheerier

Easter holiday going downhill

OK, the first week of the Easter holidays were fun. going out Saturdays, cinema trips, meals, pool with random strangers, first experience of holiday a baby and catching up with old mate. but that was a whole 7 days away.

currently sat on the sofa with blogger and msn open over my English essay which really needs to get done. iv only got a few paragraphs to go, but its so god damn boring. so boring that looking at a girl so ugly she needs to be sent to the butchers on facebook is entertaining. honestly, i have no desire to write about the form and structure of Rossetti's work which defies the norms of standard form. mega sucks.

as well as trying to do college work iv been job hunting. but it may not be as bad as it sounds. I'm not saying where i might be working cos i don't want steals. One place says "if i dint have a job by next Tuesday come back and we'll sort something out", another seemed to just like me so that looks hopeful too. but i want to work in the jewelry shop. how good would that be. girls best dream. being surrounded my glitzy jewelry for hours on end. And the staff discount! <3 <3

im dissapeering on friday though. =D

the nightmares are back

since i started college i seem to have outbursts of nightmares every night for a few weeks ... iv been saved for a month or two but they are back again =S fun times


last night i watched harry potter 5 because i knew James would complain about having to sit through it on Saturday so i decided to be nice. well the DVD player broke right at the exiting bit before the end, so i didn't see voldemort. i couldn't be bothered to try and fix it so i went to bed and this is what happened .... a big fat ass voldemort coming at me with his wand in a warehouse and me hiding under a computer desk trying to avoid his torture curse. ok, sounds quite funny, but i now know how Harry feels when he was a little baby. its not fun ok. your a second away from death and all you have to defend yourself is a bunch of cable wires, great. luckily i managed to wake myself before i wake everyone up with my tortured screams or whatnot.

you know what, i hope you enjoy my pain...



ps: went on spellcheck and a misspelled 'myself' was somehow 'slaphappy'

no thoughts whilst sat down ...

i am sat on my laptop drinking yet another glass of wine - taking ages to write this as my typings pretty dodgy - thinking she has nothing to say.

so annoying cos im bored and writing entertains me for 5 mins or so. but no. i have nothing intruguing or exiting to talk about. these ideas only flow when i am on a college bus or public bus. problem. i dont have a laptop with internet then =S. so i am sorry guys, you can deal with my semi-tipsy ramblings about how i keep backspacing every now and again because i actualy spelt it - noe anf again because i actualy speilt it.


oh, one thing which was exhilarating (i think thats the word tonight, i dunno) last night james came over and was uber tired and he fell asleep. yes interesting. so he went home early because it was "getting dark" and he didnt want to fall asleep when he was driving. fair enough. so he went and i said for him to txt me when he got home so i know he isnt dead and been mulled over by a great tractor. half an hour later. no text. hour later, nothing, so i send him one. another hour later, nothing. so i go to bed with a head full of car crashes, hospitals and all that sort of stuff. 12pm i get a txt.


my cat is looking at me. she wants to come in but i dont want to get up because im comfy. she should move out. its almost time for her to go to cat uni. she shouldnt deffer for a year. silly cat.

the week is over!

Finlay this week is over. O glorious Saturday!

been such a rush this week trying to meet my Media deadline. its been fine all the 2 months working on it until this week. problems with the sound, computer not rendering etc etc... so again spent barely any time at home. my parents almost forgot i lived there. however, its good practice for when i go to uni. If i make it into to uni (note to James - dont hurt me for my negativity)

but its all done and dusted. and now i might be able to look after myself for a bit. as i did yesterday. hot bath with a glass of baileys, book and newton Faulkner. heavenly times

plan for next week! CHILL! UBER CHILLAGE! (despite the English coursework and media evaluation coursework, timed essay, production diary, CV, looking for a job and any more work my lecturers give me)

you all need to know...

the world as it is known is over! over! maple story is dead! it doesnt work anymore! way too traumatic to comprehend! now i cant waste hours and hours on killing slimes and completing quests. soo not fair!

the world, this life, is now poitnless. nothing can fill the hole in my heart. the void where maple was will grow unitll it consumes me with eternal darkness.


~breaks down into sobs~