a strange desire

for some reason i realy want to go to hospital. iv never ever been propely. iv had a checkup here n' there, but never a maijour 2-night-over-stay-jobby. i want to see what the foods like, what the nurses are like, are the beds comfy, how embarrising bed pans are. most importantly, i want to know if the people i care about will notice and come and visit a poor weak kayla in a hospital bed.

ok, i think this thought was triggered off by Matt commenting on how light i (apparently) am. then picked me up and span me round realy realy fast. it was pretty fun and i went weeeeeeeee but i got all scared he was going to drop me. that wasnt what i should have been scared off, when i was put down conor told me my head was an inch away from a metal light post. eeeeek!

at the time i was thinking 'shit'. but now i wonder what would have happened of i did hit the post. bit of a headache. passed out. brain damage. death. broken skull. personaility loss. or nothing. i duno. i never will, unless i get spun near a post again.

kaylarr the waitarr

ok, got back from my first day at La Casita about an hour ago. easiest days wage iv ever earnt. only 3 coustomers, two worked at the restaraunt. theres not much else to say haha...



last night was, interesting. went for a meal with james, his family and his uncle and friend. i met the uncles friend while he was in the bathroom. having a shave. in his pants. great start.

wheres my cheesy message?

one thing i noticed while reading peoples msn personal messages, was how many couples have posted 'i love you baby forever', and stuff along that line.

i dont think i have ever had a lovely, lovey dovey message in my life! am i not worthy of cheese. sometimes i would love a big dollop of gorganzola cheese sploshed on someones personal message ... 'oh kayla if you ever knew what you mean to me' or 'your radiant beauty makes the sun shine duller than rusty iron' something along those lines. its not hard. think of something magnificant or beautiful and say im better than it, basicaly.

well the magnificant thing ... you need to be careful with. i wont appriciate a message comparing me to a magnificant errection or something. oh dear ...

ok, i know cheesy messages are never nice for other people to read, but i am a cheese virgin. c'mon people ... cheese me!!!

The honesty blog

warning! this isnt my usual 'i dont care'; joke about fat people falling over, sort of blog. iv been told i need to open up more, so thats what im doing. to a flipping public blog site. Logical? well, doesnt seem so, but then why do people post on facebook about how they feel when they break up with there boyfriend. its to know that someone is listning, wether they want to or not. your just heard by somebody. nothing may come of it, but its the comfort of a 'problem shared is a problem halved', isnt it?

here goes: college this year has totaly and utterly worn me out. honestly feel like all the engergy and stuffing i had last year has been punched out of me with an essay shaped fist.

its been one thing after another. bad grades turned into continual bad grades even after i put the effort in. psychology just keeps getting harder and harder. i barely rember what 'validity' is, never mind flipping 'standard deviation'. we are expected to know about crime, depression, scizophrenia and controvesies. then know the aitiologies, treatments, explinations and then evaluate the flipping thing, refercncing a billion other psychologists with names like 'zimbardo'. it also gets better ... the research methods paper. Thats where the standard deviation comes in.

my media project is a complete shambles. i wont expand.

english isnt as much of a challenge, even though you have to rember quotes from two plays and two poetry books, use the quotes to analyse, and all the other AO's you need to do. like i said wont be as much of a challenge as i can somehow rember whole poems:

O Rose! you are sick.
the invisable worm
which flies in the night
in the howling storm,

has found out thy bed
of crimson joy.
and his dark secret love
which thy life does destroy.

See! i can rember stuff. now just give me good grades!!!



main reason im feeling crap is the fact i am unsucsessful, unwanted and un-needed in winchester. they are just not interested. however, i, the silly girl i am, set my hopes on that course. but i didnt get in. now not only can i not get into uni this year, i might not be able to do what i want in the future.

plan went like this:

get my grades at college - go to winchester - work my ass off and party my head off - get my uni grades - work on getting into the media (the english backs up almost any job)

however, new plan goes like this:

get my grades at college - do another year at college - ???


so its gone a bit wilted. fun times.
i also have oter stuff on ones mind, but i cant say. i never know how people will react, and i figure no reaction is better than a bad reaction. especialy with people you care about.

there we go. opening up is over, done, and finished with. you, whoever you are, has had a privilage of peeking into my life.

Thankyou ladies and gentlemen, i am michaela philips, thanks for reading today. i bid you farewell ....



joke! ps: i promise my next blog will be cheerier

Easter holiday going downhill

OK, the first week of the Easter holidays were fun. going out Saturdays, cinema trips, meals, pool with random strangers, first experience of holiday a baby and catching up with old mate. but that was a whole 7 days away.

currently sat on the sofa with blogger and msn open over my English essay which really needs to get done. iv only got a few paragraphs to go, but its so god damn boring. so boring that looking at a girl so ugly she needs to be sent to the butchers on facebook is entertaining. honestly, i have no desire to write about the form and structure of Rossetti's work which defies the norms of standard form. mega sucks.

as well as trying to do college work iv been job hunting. but it may not be as bad as it sounds. I'm not saying where i might be working cos i don't want steals. One place says "if i dint have a job by next Tuesday come back and we'll sort something out", another seemed to just like me so that looks hopeful too. but i want to work in the jewelry shop. how good would that be. girls best dream. being surrounded my glitzy jewelry for hours on end. And the staff discount! <3 <3

im dissapeering on friday though. =D

the nightmares are back

since i started college i seem to have outbursts of nightmares every night for a few weeks ... iv been saved for a month or two but they are back again =S fun times


last night i watched harry potter 5 because i knew James would complain about having to sit through it on Saturday so i decided to be nice. well the DVD player broke right at the exiting bit before the end, so i didn't see voldemort. i couldn't be bothered to try and fix it so i went to bed and this is what happened .... a big fat ass voldemort coming at me with his wand in a warehouse and me hiding under a computer desk trying to avoid his torture curse. ok, sounds quite funny, but i now know how Harry feels when he was a little baby. its not fun ok. your a second away from death and all you have to defend yourself is a bunch of cable wires, great. luckily i managed to wake myself before i wake everyone up with my tortured screams or whatnot.

you know what, i hope you enjoy my pain...



ps: went on spellcheck and a misspelled 'myself' was somehow 'slaphappy'

no thoughts whilst sat down ...

i am sat on my laptop drinking yet another glass of wine - taking ages to write this as my typings pretty dodgy - thinking she has nothing to say.

so annoying cos im bored and writing entertains me for 5 mins or so. but no. i have nothing intruguing or exiting to talk about. these ideas only flow when i am on a college bus or public bus. problem. i dont have a laptop with internet then =S. so i am sorry guys, you can deal with my semi-tipsy ramblings about how i keep backspacing every now and again because i actualy spelt it - noe anf again because i actualy speilt it.


oh, one thing which was exhilarating (i think thats the word tonight, i dunno) last night james came over and was uber tired and he fell asleep. yes interesting. so he went home early because it was "getting dark" and he didnt want to fall asleep when he was driving. fair enough. so he went and i said for him to txt me when he got home so i know he isnt dead and been mulled over by a great tractor. half an hour later. no text. hour later, nothing, so i send him one. another hour later, nothing. so i go to bed with a head full of car crashes, hospitals and all that sort of stuff. 12pm i get a txt.


my cat is looking at me. she wants to come in but i dont want to get up because im comfy. she should move out. its almost time for her to go to cat uni. she shouldnt deffer for a year. silly cat.