5 weeks since i wrote on here ... wow iv been busy

FUUUU! i just dropped my pencil case and all my stationary is scatterd on the floor.

why is stationary called stationary? pencils, pens and rubbers have nothing to do with stations... my biro doesnt look a thing like a bus. also they dont stay still and 'stationary'. the whole point if them is for them to move, hopefuly wirting something important instead of drawring a penis which would be worrying if a penis actualy looked like that.

ok, so i dont write to you for 5 weeks, and all i write about is flipping pencils.your probobly thinking, why did i bother reading this... that woman is a flippin' nut house.

hmm... something worthwhile ... iv had two jobs in the past 5 weeks.i started at a restarant for ... 2-3 weeks, but they let me go as it wasnt 'economicaly viable' ... in simple terms, you arnt worth the money were paying you. ok, that me being pessimisic and cynical. the buisness was kind of going under.

in a way im glad im not there still. its thestrangest thing, but it made me cringe so much when my boss said 'parma ham and melon'. dont ask how, just did.

now im at DA BANK! which i actualy enjoy, the girls are a giggle, and my boss is barely there cos the lucky sod gets holidays left, right, and centre. its simple what i hav to do, but theres so many of thw simple things which make it a big mind fizzle. i hate it when a woman rushes in, obviously has to head off in the next milli-second with an envelope containing £3000, in old 20 pound notes. i have to check the right ammount, and for forgeries. 'sorry love, your gonna be here a while'. so you start off ... 20, 40, 60, 80, 1, 20, 40, 60, 80, 2 etc. then double count a note, so you start again ... 20, 40, 60, 80, 1 ... you et through two wads of notes and on your third, you count £9980 ... bum.... double check you havnt missed a note. nope. get someone else to check. nope still £9980. run it through the machine .. only 49 notes there. 'sorry miss whatever, but your £20 short.' 'no im not, i checked it myself, have you counted it right!' .....'*@!!$^90@' ' you just watched me woman'


ok, it hasnt happend like that before... yet. my time will come.

well, its 23.15, and im rather tired. goodnight all and i hope you enjoyed my blog for tonight. see you in 5 weeks.

what is wrong with helford?

OK. what the hell was wrong with Helford building today? walking down the stairs from English was like walking into the bowels of someone who had egg and cress sandwich for lunch. flippin' pongin'!


i wont have a blog all about foul smells in case your scared.


but on the subject of smell - I'm tired of people sticking their noses in other peoples business. if someone wants to tell you something, they will off their own back! i don't want to tell every tom dick and harry what someone texts me, or what i talked about last Friday night. next ill be asked what colour my shit is or something. ~sigh~

anyway on a lighter note, it was finally sunny today! i can almost feel the beach calling me over! this year, screw being mature and adult but I'm going to take my old inflatable whales down the Beach and have fun. I'm kid in the eyes of the law for 2 more months, i got to make the most of my fading child days.

bloody hormones!

one thing i hate about being a girl is our hormones. i hate them more than not being able to pee easily in public. i do feel sorry for men sometimes when our bodies become inhuman and turn into a flesh covered hormonal soup!


ok, so my hormones may be a bit artificial and pill induced. But when you have had to miss 3 days of going doctors to get more pills, and you are left uncovered and vulnerable to the worlds daily stresses - Oh god, i am a monster!


these past few days iv been ecstatic one second, and wanting to jump in front of a train the next. last night on a relaxing walk to calm myself down i ended up seriously considering resigning from the world of human and seeing what life would be like as a salve in hell. the littlest tinniest thing to potentially lower my mood has made me look like that volcano in iceland ... erupt and the devastation lasts for weeks.


on the up-side - i Finally went to the doctors and in a few days i will be the 'normal' kayla everyone knows. and all the men i know, especially James, can come out of their hiding places.

a strange desire

for some reason i realy want to go to hospital. iv never ever been propely. iv had a checkup here n' there, but never a maijour 2-night-over-stay-jobby. i want to see what the foods like, what the nurses are like, are the beds comfy, how embarrising bed pans are. most importantly, i want to know if the people i care about will notice and come and visit a poor weak kayla in a hospital bed.

ok, i think this thought was triggered off by Matt commenting on how light i (apparently) am. then picked me up and span me round realy realy fast. it was pretty fun and i went weeeeeeeee but i got all scared he was going to drop me. that wasnt what i should have been scared off, when i was put down conor told me my head was an inch away from a metal light post. eeeeek!

at the time i was thinking 'shit'. but now i wonder what would have happened of i did hit the post. bit of a headache. passed out. brain damage. death. broken skull. personaility loss. or nothing. i duno. i never will, unless i get spun near a post again.

kaylarr the waitarr

ok, got back from my first day at La Casita about an hour ago. easiest days wage iv ever earnt. only 3 coustomers, two worked at the restaraunt. theres not much else to say haha...



last night was, interesting. went for a meal with james, his family and his uncle and friend. i met the uncles friend while he was in the bathroom. having a shave. in his pants. great start.

wheres my cheesy message?

one thing i noticed while reading peoples msn personal messages, was how many couples have posted 'i love you baby forever', and stuff along that line.

i dont think i have ever had a lovely, lovey dovey message in my life! am i not worthy of cheese. sometimes i would love a big dollop of gorganzola cheese sploshed on someones personal message ... 'oh kayla if you ever knew what you mean to me' or 'your radiant beauty makes the sun shine duller than rusty iron' something along those lines. its not hard. think of something magnificant or beautiful and say im better than it, basicaly.

well the magnificant thing ... you need to be careful with. i wont appriciate a message comparing me to a magnificant errection or something. oh dear ...

ok, i know cheesy messages are never nice for other people to read, but i am a cheese virgin. c'mon people ... cheese me!!!

The honesty blog

warning! this isnt my usual 'i dont care'; joke about fat people falling over, sort of blog. iv been told i need to open up more, so thats what im doing. to a flipping public blog site. Logical? well, doesnt seem so, but then why do people post on facebook about how they feel when they break up with there boyfriend. its to know that someone is listning, wether they want to or not. your just heard by somebody. nothing may come of it, but its the comfort of a 'problem shared is a problem halved', isnt it?

here goes: college this year has totaly and utterly worn me out. honestly feel like all the engergy and stuffing i had last year has been punched out of me with an essay shaped fist.

its been one thing after another. bad grades turned into continual bad grades even after i put the effort in. psychology just keeps getting harder and harder. i barely rember what 'validity' is, never mind flipping 'standard deviation'. we are expected to know about crime, depression, scizophrenia and controvesies. then know the aitiologies, treatments, explinations and then evaluate the flipping thing, refercncing a billion other psychologists with names like 'zimbardo'. it also gets better ... the research methods paper. Thats where the standard deviation comes in.

my media project is a complete shambles. i wont expand.

english isnt as much of a challenge, even though you have to rember quotes from two plays and two poetry books, use the quotes to analyse, and all the other AO's you need to do. like i said wont be as much of a challenge as i can somehow rember whole poems:

O Rose! you are sick.
the invisable worm
which flies in the night
in the howling storm,

has found out thy bed
of crimson joy.
and his dark secret love
which thy life does destroy.

See! i can rember stuff. now just give me good grades!!!



main reason im feeling crap is the fact i am unsucsessful, unwanted and un-needed in winchester. they are just not interested. however, i, the silly girl i am, set my hopes on that course. but i didnt get in. now not only can i not get into uni this year, i might not be able to do what i want in the future.

plan went like this:

get my grades at college - go to winchester - work my ass off and party my head off - get my uni grades - work on getting into the media (the english backs up almost any job)

however, new plan goes like this:

get my grades at college - do another year at college - ???


so its gone a bit wilted. fun times.
i also have oter stuff on ones mind, but i cant say. i never know how people will react, and i figure no reaction is better than a bad reaction. especialy with people you care about.

there we go. opening up is over, done, and finished with. you, whoever you are, has had a privilage of peeking into my life.

Thankyou ladies and gentlemen, i am michaela philips, thanks for reading today. i bid you farewell ....



joke! ps: i promise my next blog will be cheerier