Kala Pose

Kala Pose

Wednesday, 21 April 2010

The honesty blog

warning! this isnt my usual 'i dont care'; joke about fat people falling over, sort of blog. iv been told i need to open up more, so thats what im doing. to a flipping public blog site. Logical? well, doesnt seem so, but then why do people post on facebook about how they feel when they break up with there boyfriend. its to know that someone is listning, wether they want to or not. your just heard by somebody. nothing may come of it, but its the comfort of a 'problem shared is a problem halved', isnt it?

here goes: college this year has totaly and utterly worn me out. honestly feel like all the engergy and stuffing i had last year has been punched out of me with an essay shaped fist.

its been one thing after another. bad grades turned into continual bad grades even after i put the effort in. psychology just keeps getting harder and harder. i barely rember what 'validity' is, never mind flipping 'standard deviation'. we are expected to know about crime, depression, scizophrenia and controvesies. then know the aitiologies, treatments, explinations and then evaluate the flipping thing, refercncing a billion other psychologists with names like 'zimbardo'. it also gets better ... the research methods paper. Thats where the standard deviation comes in.

my media project is a complete shambles. i wont expand.

english isnt as much of a challenge, even though you have to rember quotes from two plays and two poetry books, use the quotes to analyse, and all the other AO's you need to do. like i said wont be as much of a challenge as i can somehow rember whole poems:

O Rose! you are sick.
the invisable worm
which flies in the night
in the howling storm,

has found out thy bed
of crimson joy.
and his dark secret love
which thy life does destroy.

See! i can rember stuff. now just give me good grades!!!

main reason im feeling crap is the fact i am unsucsessful, unwanted and un-needed in winchester. they are just not interested. however, i, the silly girl i am, set my hopes on that course. but i didnt get in. now not only can i not get into uni this year, i might not be able to do what i want in the future.

plan went like this:

get my grades at college - go to winchester - work my ass off and party my head off - get my uni grades - work on getting into the media (the english backs up almost any job)

however, new plan goes like this:

get my grades at college - do another year at college - ???

so its gone a bit wilted. fun times.
i also have oter stuff on ones mind, but i cant say. i never know how people will react, and i figure no reaction is better than a bad reaction. especialy with people you care about.

there we go. opening up is over, done, and finished with. you, whoever you are, has had a privilage of peeking into my life.

Thankyou ladies and gentlemen, i am michaela philips, thanks for reading today. i bid you farewell ....

joke! ps: i promise my next blog will be cheerier

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